your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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