shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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