He had one of those small greek statue penises
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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