I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
