I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
