and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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