# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
