My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
