i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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