Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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