Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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