i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
