How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
