is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
