her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
