We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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