Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
