When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let's get the cat blown out
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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