We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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