My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i think i just lost a toe
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
