i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
