so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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