Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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