maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
