Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
