well I can't set my house on fire every night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
