people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
