i already hear my dad disowning me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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