operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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