That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
