You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
