used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
