im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
