I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
