Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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