I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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