What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
