well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
two words...techno handjob
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
