I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
