Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
