So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
