have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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