apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
