do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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