Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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