It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
