I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
