your thong is hanging out like whoa
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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