You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
