Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
