I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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