i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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