Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
