Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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