It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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