I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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