Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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