Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
