the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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