New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I still have a little drunk in my system
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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