Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
