Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
