You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
