I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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