I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
