the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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