I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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